Why Some Children Start Worrying About School Weeks Before They Go Back

I can remember when my children were younger and we'd get to the last couple of weeks of the summer holidays. My daughter would suddenly become more emotional and, at the time, I couldn't work out why.

Nothing had happened. We were still enjoying the holidays. School wasn't due to start for another couple of weeks. She wasn't talking about school, so I assumed everything was fine. Looking back now, I can see what I couldn't see then. She already knew a big change was coming.

The interesting thing is... she's now 15 and I still notice exactly the same pattern.

A few weeks before a big change or transition, whether it's going back to school, starting a new term or something else she knows is coming, her emotions often become much bigger. She's more sensitive, more reactive and things that wouldn't normally bother her suddenly seem much harder. The difference now is that I understand what's happening.

One thing I've learnt over the years is that many children find change difficult. Some children seem to take it all in their stride, but for others, even changes they're looking forward to can feel overwhelming.

The other thing I've learnt is that children don't always tell us they're worried. Sometimes they show us instead.

They become more emotional. They argue more. They seem clingier. They ask lots more questions. Or they become frustrated over things that normally wouldn't bother them.

One thing I hear from parents every August is, "They've been absolutely fine all summer and then all of a sudden everything seems harder. I don't know what's changed."

Often, nothing has changed. Their brain has simply started preparing for a change that's coming.

The tricky part is that we don't always recognise it for what it is. Instead, we might find ourselves saying,

"You'll be fine."

"There's nothing to worry about."

"You've done this before."

"All your friends will be there and you know the teacher"

We say those things because we want to help.

The funny thing is, when we're worried about something ourselves, being told not to worry rarely makes us stop worrying. It actually just makes us feel alone in that feeling and that we are wrong for feeling that way.

What usually helps is feeling understood.

Sometimes instead of trying to make the worry disappear, we can simply say,

"I wonder if part of you is thinking about going back to school?"

Or,

"It's OK if you've got mixed feelings about going back. Lots of children do."

One thing I wish I'd known when my children were younger is that preparing for school isn't just about buying new shoes, labelling uniforms and sorting pencil cases. It's also about preparing our children's emotions. Giving them space to talk. Helping them make sense of how they're feeling. Letting them know that whatever they're feeling is welcome.

If your child seems a little more emotional over the next couple of weeks, it doesn't automatically mean the return to school is going to be difficult. It might simply be their way of telling you that a big change is already on their mind.

If you'd like a little extra support over the next few weeks, I've created some Back to School printables that help children explore their thoughts and feelings in a gentle, practical way.

Sometimes having something to do together makes those conversations feel much easier than sitting down and asking lots of questions.