When the Summer Holidays Don't Quite Go to Plan

The summer holidays are almost here!

In my head, I've already imagined how they're going to go. We'll have lovely family days out, the sun will be shining, the kids will be smiling, they'll play beautifully together and we'll make memories they'll treasure forever.

Then reality arrives.

It's about 9.15 on the first morning and somebody has already said, "I'm bored."

I suggest going to the beach. One child rolls their eyes. The other says they don't want to. Someone complains their brother looked at them. Someone else is already asking for the iPad.

I stand there thinking..."We've got another six weeks of this."

Honestly, there have been years where I've wanted to get off the rollercoaster about thirty seconds after it started.

The funny thing is, I know I'm not the only one.

Every year I see the same posts from parents saying they couldn't wait for the holidays and now they're counting down until September. There is something about the summer holidays that brings out all the pressure we put on ourselves. We tell ourselves we're going to make amazing memories. We'll go to the beach, have picnics, bake cakes, make dens, visit grandparents, have screen-free afternoons and become the sort of family you see on Instagram.

The reality in my house has often looked very different. One child wants to go swimming, the other wants to stay at home. One is hungry, the other has just eaten. Someone can't find their shoes. Someone is already annoyed because they wanted to sit in the front of the car. Before we've even left the driveway, I'm wondering why I thought this was going to be a good idea.

I think one of the biggest things I've learnt over the years is that children don't suddenly become more difficult in the holidays. They're just spending a lot more time together. They're out of their normal routines, they're sleeping differently, eating differently, doing different activities and, for many children, that lack of predictability can make their emotions much bigger.

The other thing I've realised is that by this point in the year, we're tired too! We've been getting everyone up, making packed lunches, rushing to clubs, remembering non-uniform days, homework, reading books, birthday parties and everything else that comes with family life. We get to the summer holidays thinking we're finally going to relax, but then we become the entertainment committee for six weeks.

It's exhausting.

I also think we put so much pressure on ourselves. We think we should be making every day special. We feel guilty if the children say they're bored. We wonder if we're doing enough. We compare ourselves to the families who seem to be out doing something amazing every day.

The truth is, children don't need six weeks of constant entertainment.

Some of my children's favourite memories are probably the ones I nearly didn't bother with. Watching a film with popcorn in our pyjamas. Eating fish and chips on the beach. Playing cards in the garden. Going for an ice cream after tea because nobody could think of anything else to do.

They don't remember whether I had a colour-coded summer holiday planner (yes, I actually made one of these...I only did this one year and then decided it was a waste of my time).

They remember how they felt. That doesn't mean every day has to be calm, because let's be honest, that's just not real life.

There will still be arguments. There will still be eye rolls. Someone will almost certainly tell you they're bored five minutes after you've spent half an hour setting up an activity.

Someone else will decide they don't like the lunch they've asked for. You'll probably lose your patience at some point and wonder why everyone else's children seem to get on better than yours.

They don't.

We just don't tend to post the photos of our children arguing over whose turn it is to press the lift button.

One thing that's really helped me is lowering the pressure I put on myself. Instead of asking, "How can I make today amazing?" I ask myself, "What's one small thing we could do together today?"

Sometimes that's a day out. Sometimes it's a walk with the dog. Sometimes it's hot chocolate and a film because we've all had enough of each other. Both are enough.

If you're already feeling slightly anxious about the summer holidays, or you're reading this halfway through wondering how you're going to survive the next few weeks, I promise you're not the only one.

The goal isn't to create six weeks of perfect memories. It's to get to September with your relationships still intact and a few lovely moments sprinkled in between the chaos.

If you're looking for a few simple ideas to make the holidays feel a little less overwhelming, I've created a Summer Survival Kit with printable activities and emotional regulation tools that have genuinely helped in our house. They're designed to be easy to use, realistic and to take a little bit of the pressure off you, because I think we could all do with a bit of that over the summer.

I hope, wherever you are in the holidays, you remember this.

If your children are arguing, if the house is a mess, if you've lost your patience, if they've watched more TV than you'd planned or if you've secretly started counting down the days until school goes back...

You're probably having a much more normal summer than you think.